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When we see people in person, we process those signs and signals so quickly that we don’t realize that we’ve gone through a checklist. Your attitude literally bleeds into everything you do, in ways that you don’t think about.

We just know “Yes, I’m attracted to that person” or “No, I’m not”. An amazing actor can pull this off for a little while. It affects how you talk to people, the way you perceive the world and how you interact with it. And like Binary Sunset, this is a theme that’s going to be recurring throughout your letter.

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So, I’m going to break in here right at the start: this is a good thing to recognize in yourself.

Realizing that you’re holding on to negative, self-limiting beliefs is an important step in overcoming them. Physically attractive, tall and fit, non smoker, social drinker, intelligent (masters qualified), undertaking a career that corresponds with my education level, and cultured, with a strong interest in many of the arts, along with active competition in sport (i’m a cyclist) to a high amateur level.

Sometimes the answer is more nuanced than normal or requires cutting through a Gordian knot of related issues.

But, occasionally, I’ll get a letter from a reader that requires a deeper and more thorough dive than the usual request for advice.

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This is why it’s a good idea to make your first date a pre-date date – basically, meeting for fifteen or twenty minutes for coffee to establish whether or not it’s worth going on a .

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One: the guy freaks out and reacts angrily or violently – it’s a trap, she’s a sex-worker looking for a client, whatever. – On the rare occasions that I do get a date, and I feel I make a good impression, I’m rejected after the first hurdle. – For me, It is not reasonable expect chemistry after speaking to a stranger for 2 hours, and 3 or 4 dates are required to see if there is any compatibility. Remember what I said about your having a Somebody, Anybody, Everybody problem? If you have chemistry with vibe, which is going to be a turn-off to just about every woman you meet.

Two: he vastly overestimates her interest; she says “Hey, my name is…” and he hears “TAKE ME IN A MANLY FASHION IN THE BATHROOM, YOU STALLION YOU”. Respecting somebody’s boundaries or actively getting consent isn’t “repressing” anything. – One or two matches – if that – from every 100 right swipes on Tinder Welcome to Tinder, dude. Fine tune your Tinder profile, get better photos and recognize that you’re going to be shotgunning swipes because you’ve got next to no information aside from a photo to go on. – Developing a nice exchange of messages but never hearing from her again when you suggest going for a drink; This just means that someone wasn’t interested in meeting you for a drink. Women, on average, don’t like feeling like they’re interchangeable, and a guy who’s giving them the feeling that he just wants if it hadn’t been on a dating site.

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